Sunday, January 18, 2015

Dear James

So I tried to figure out how much longer we have you here at home ("OK Google, how many more days do we have James?")  It looks like about 7 more months as I start this letter, depending on where you end up heading off too.
I have never wanted you to leave, I know some people are "ready" for their kids to leave when they go off to school, but I am not.  It isn't that I think you should stay. 
You shouldn't.  This is right and perfect. 
I am just saying I can not think of a time when I wanted this time to come.  I never said, "I can't wait until he leaves for college".  Truthfully I wouldn't mind freezing this time and savoring it a little longer. 

I keep thinking of things I want to make sure I tell you before you go, or tell you again more likely.
But the one of first most importance is this:

I love you no matter what.

I don't know if it is the way of all mothers' love, but it is the way of this mother's.
My love will follow you to JMU or Virginia Tech or wherever you decide to go (even if it is UVA).
It will hang on even if you commit a crime, get a tattoo, join a band, get addicted to drugs, vote democrat, decide you are gay, get a girl pregnant, drop out of short, if you blow it by anyone's standards.
I want you to know that there is no hole deep enough that I would not still do everything I could to pull you out.
I have heard of kids thinking that there is a place of no return.  Thinking, "I know I am drunk and I should call my parents but I don't want to tell them".  Thinking, "I have been arrested for something, maybe I can keep this from them". 
This is my loud protest to those kinds of thoughts. 

I can not promise you that I won't be sad.  I will be sad with you, when you make a stupid decision, or some great plan doesn't turn out the way you had hoped.  I will try, however, not to make it worse by making dumb mother comments.  I will try to love you without my agenda, because I want always to be a part of your life, a good part.  No matter where you go.
No matter what.

Oh, and if you are having any anxiety about leaving, can I just say, you are going to be fine!
I, on the other hand, am going to be a basket case.
But you should go anyway.

love, mom